It's Always Been You
by Kathryn Hart
Summary: The night after The Wedding of River Song, the Doctor has a blonde unexpected visitor in his room. And a heartbreaking realization. Eleven/Rose DON'T LIKE DON'T READ. Contains no River or 10.5 bashing, just unabashed truth.


**After watching The Wedding of River Song, this fanfic was the only way my Doctor/Rose obsessed brain could handle this. Contains no River or 10.5 bashing, I don't play that way. I'd appreciate it if you'd do the same by not bashing Rose.  
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**Setting: Night after aforementioned episode.  
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**Based on lyrics by Katy Perry's Thinking of You  
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******DOCTOR/ROSE Forever. Please don't flame!**  


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_**It's Always Been You**_

**Kathryn Hart**

**_Eleven/Rose_  
**

"_Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you..."_

"Just like you to show up after a day like today."

"We got her distress call at Torchwood, our Torchwood. I couldn't ignore it." The Doctor looked up, both saddened and heartened at the blonde staring at him from the other side of his bedroom.

"What was your reply?" He was curious to know.

"I said we would help in any way we can. Your universe was dying and so were you. I couldn't let it happen. I told her you changed my life in so many ways." Rose Tyler paused. "You two are together now, aren't you?"

"How do you know?" He fingered the edge of his tweed sleeve, surprised at how calm she was. He half expected her to murder him, and then River. She'd obviously grown up a lot since the last time they saw each other. Instead of jealousy and anger all he could see was hurt and sadness.

"She told me...us, how important you were to her, that she'd destroy your universe in order to keep you alive." She laughed bitterly. "Sounds like something I said a long time ago."

_"Two universes would collapse."_

_ "So?"_

The empty silence was thick between the two. Finally the Doctor sighed in resignation.

"I tricked her into marrying me, so I could touch her and save the universe. I already had a plan to prevent my death, I didn't need to marry her."

"But did you want to?"  
"I didn't want to marry her Rose!"

"Well, I didn't want to marry John either, and look where we are. Have you...consummated your love yet?" Her nose twitched angrily.

The Doctor stood up suddenly and strode over to her, irritation in his eyes at her bitter sense of calm. The air was electric with their sudden emotions.

"Have you _consummated your love_ with _John_ yet?" He said his name sarcastically and then stopped, his eyes flicking down. "Never mind, I know you already have."

"What? How do you know?" She laid a protective hand on her flat waist.

"Your child is a quarter Time Lord. I can sense her presence." Rose looked away, tears forming in her eyes.

"She's your daughter too." she whispered.

"No, she's not!" He cried. "She's the offspring of you and your husband."

"Yeah, my husband, who's _your_ clone. Why can't you accept that?"

_"Because he's not me okay?"_ Rose was taken aback by his strong words. He turned around and signed, running a hand through his thick hair. "I'm sorry." He said softly.

"_Cause when I'm with her  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you.  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was within my arms?  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into your eyes."_

"I know how you feel now." She replied just as soft, laying a hand on his shoulder. "It was always you, for the both of us. Why didn't it work out between us?"

"Because I was too stubborn to see you are...were the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I made you leave with the clone so I could wallow in my self-pity, forcing myself to believe that it was for your own good. Towards the end I felt like I had nobody in the entire universe and...it was the worst thing ever." The Doctor turned his head to look at her, tears forming in his green eyes.

"_You're the best  
And yes I do regret.  
How I could let myself  
Let you go?"_

"Does she even know my name? Or anything about me?" She thought of Sarah Jane and how hurt she must have felt not to be remembered by any future companion.

"She knows your name, and that you meant a lot to me. I can sense she suspects more but I refuse to talk about you to her."

"Why?"

"Because if I keep talking about you, I'll realize it's you, and only you that I want, and I'll be on my own again." He motioned for Rose to sit with him on the bed.

"I watched her die Rose, in the library, right in front of my eyes and..."

"You feel like it's your fault and you're trying to make it up to her." She finished for him. The Doctor laughed sadly.

"You know me through and through." He looked at the strange object on her belt, suddenly feeling the need to change the subject. "Is that how you got here?"

"Yes. It's a portable dimension hopper." She looked down at it. "I'm here in the flesh, but only for a while before I have to go back."

"How does your husband feel about you being here with me?"

"He struggles with depression a lot, knowing my love for him is only secondary, but he could sense how distressed I was about River's confession of love for you."

"Are you distressed?" He asked her pointedly.

"Yeah, _kinda_." She said a bit loud. She threw him a bitter look. "What if John dies before I do? I'll have nowhere to go, no one to-" She sobbed suddenly, tears filling her eyes.

"Shh..." The Doctor pulled her to his arms and rocked her softly.

_"You said move on,  
Where do I go?  
I guess second best  
Is all I will know."_

"River and I only have a short time left together, before I send her off to her death. Our lives are running backwards. She knows everything about me there is to know, and it's always bothered me. When you were with me, I could show you anything, take you anywhere, and you'd be amazed. When we met I was broken and bitter, angry at the entire universe. You made me stronger with your determination, devotion...and love. You made me live." At that Rose looked up at him, her cheeks damp with tears.

"But you're still married to her." The truth had to come out.

"I...I don't want to be a...alone." He gasped, hearing the painful words come out of his mouth. "I can't bear it again." He paused, gathering strength. "Last time I was on my own I messed with a fixed point in time, and eventually ended up killing myself." He looked at her. "Do you remember that, New Year's Eve, the night we met?"

"Yeah." She sighed, looking down. "I worked that out a while ago. Figured you were in your final moments. If John hadn't been there when I realized it I-" She stopped, looking back up at him as he stroked her face with two fingers. "I'm married to him too." A look crossed her face that showed just how far the both of them had really drifted apart. The Doctor looked at her, suddenly wanting and wishing he could never be without her. These few minutes had etched that into stone.

"I'm a married man, and you're a married woman." He leaned closer to her lips. "But it's always been you." He deepened the space in between them and kissed her passionately.

"_Cause when I'm with him  
I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you.  
What you would do if  
You were the one  
Who was spending the night?  
Oh I wish that I  
Was looking into your eyes."_

His Rose Tyler, in his arms. He was living and breathing, kissing the only woman who ever really mattered to him, To his friends he kept up his facade of being a lone wolf, but all he really desired was the Bad Wolf who had made him who he was all those years ago.

"It's always been you." He repeated in between their many kisses, putting as much depth and love as he possibly could.

Time seemed to slow, as when he kissed River, sealing their marital status. But Rose was always so much more than that. Why did he always dream of her at night, what was it about her that made his hearts beat? She was his missing puzzle piece in his empty life chasing after day dreams. Rose had kept him both grounded and soaring in the stars.

But the hard truth was, he had River, and she had John...and neither of them were happy. They weren't alone, that was true. But how can you fall in love with someone, how can you give them your best try if someone had already taken and broken your heart before you even met them? It was like that old Earth song, the one that went _"__I would have given you all of my heart, But there's someone who's torn it apart. And she's taken just all that I had...The first cut is the deepest..."_

He pushed it all aside as his hands cradled Rose's chin, pulling her deeper into himself. He was just about to let his hands move down when Rose pulled away from him.  
"I love you." she said as they broke apart. "I promise, someday I'll come find you, I'll find a way." The Doctor reached his hand out to touch her but it passed through the empty air.

_Comparisons are easily done  
Once you've had a taste of perfection.  
Like an apple hanging from a tree  
I picked the ripest one.  
I still got the seed._

_You said move on,_  
_Where do I go?_  
_I guess second best_

_Is all I will know._

_Cause when I'm with him_  
_I am thinking of you_  
_Thinking of you._  
_What you would do if_  
_You were the one_  
_Who was spending the night?_  
_Oh I wish that I_  
_Was looking into your eyes._

_How do I get better_  
_Once I've had the best?_  
_You said there's_  
_Tons of fish in the water,_  
_So the waters I will test._

_He kissed my lips_  
_I taste your mouth._  
_He pulled me in_  
_I was disgusted with myself!_

_You're the best  
And yes I do regret.  
How I could let myself  
Let you go?  
Now the lesson's learned  
I touched it I was burned.  
Oh I think you should know..._

_Cause when I'm with him_  
_I am thinking of you_  
_Thinking of you._  
_What you would do if_  
_You were the one_  
_Who was spending the night?_  
_Oh I wish that I_

_Was looking into your eyes  
Looking into your eyes  
Looking into your eyes._

_Oh won't you walk through  
And bust in the door  
And take me away  
Oh no more mistakes  
Cause in your eyes I'd like to _

_stay... _

_~Katy Perry_

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**First Cut is the Deepest is a song by Rod Stewart.**

**Thanks for reading!**_**  
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**~BAD WOLF~  
**


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